What’s next for mothers after children have flown the coop? Are we doomed to this empty, lonely life or is there something more in store for us? I know when my daughters left, I experienced periods of feeling like a fraud and also felt like a failure because I wasn’t sure what was next. I found profound meaning in raising my two daughters. 

 

I needed to dig deep and search for what gave me a purpose, other than my children. For me, I dove into tennis and also chose to earn my Master’s in Counseling. While it was difficult to get back into these things that I had long ago set aside, it was worth my while and my sanity.

 

For those of us mothers that put all we had into parenting, it can be quite a shock when our children are gone. For over twenty years we are stretched, pulled and give all that we have and more to these little humans we are raising. While it is exhausting, there are so many wonderful and proud moments mixed with the tears that we cry when someone or something hurts one of our own. 

 

No one prepares us for the feelings of emptiness and a lack of purpose that are all a very real part of the empty nest (Champ, 2020). These feelings are a part of life that most people do not talk about.  Due to this lack of acknowledgement, many are left unprepared to cope with the emptiness without any guidance. So, now that I have stated the problem that so many women are facing, what are some solutions?

 

1. Cry and mourn the stage of life that has passed (Lamoreux,2021). Now is the time to embrace this next chapter that can be just as rewarding as the last.

2. While we may have forgotten what our favorite pastimes, passions or hobbies were, it is time to reconnect and try to get to know ourselves better and rediscover the things that we once treasured.

3. Remember, we have half of our lives left! It is not too late to start a second career, go back to school or even learn a new language. Time is passing whether we are doing anything or not, so why not better ourselves in the process? 

4. Make a list of things you might enjoy doing that you did not have time for before. Some of my ideas are: book club, volunteer at a school, get involved with a food pantry or animal shelter, learn to play pickleball or another sport that seems intriguing, travel, start a bunco group, join a gym, or a mahjong group.

5. We have raised the entire next generation of people and we have given them all of the resources to fly, now it is our turn to find these things in ourselves again.

6. You got this and while I know it is hard, you can do it! Getting through the time when my own children left the coop was hard for me.  However, I am happy to have made it over the hump and grasp on to this next adventure!

 

*** While I have made this process seem easy, I know that it can be tough. If you are having feelings of prolonged sadness and or depression, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional***

 

Thanks for being here,

Teresa Terry, LPC

tterry40@gmail.com

832-687-7928

 

References

Champ, Lianna. “Empty Nest Syndrome: How to Cope When Your Children Leave Home.” Netdoctor, Netdoctor, 23 Sept. 2020, www.netdoctor.co.uk/parenting/a11692/empty-nest-syndrome/. 

Lamoreux, Karen. “What Now? Understanding Empty Nest Syndrome.” Psych Central, Psych Central, 29 Oct. 2021, psychcentral.com/health/empty-nest-syndrome.